October 28, 2013

RAGING EMOTIONS!

So, we are getting closer to the day of my biopsy. Thank God! All I can say is my emotions are going insane! One minute I am getting teary eyes and the next I feel like I could rip someone's head off in anger. I can truly say that I have not had that, "Why me" moment. Why not me? Thousands of people face this type of stress every single day, so what makes me any different? Why should I be exempt? This type of stress is something my family knows all too well. The waiting. The anxiety. The stress. The avoidance from others. Avoiding others.

I have been putting up walls around me. Blocking people out. Some people seem extremely judgmental lately, or perhaps it's just me taking things very personally because of my heightened emotions. I don't even think that some people will realize that I've blocked them out of my life. One statement that someone made to me while my husband was ill keeps coming back to haunt me, "People have their own lives to live, and we cannot be burdened by what you are going through on a daily basis." My struggles, my hurts, my pains, my weaknesses are not anyone else's responsibility but my own. It would be extremely selfish of me to burden others with my daily problems.

Maybe this blog will help me to help someone else who may be going through a similar situation. Please know that you are not alone. Even though I have made up my mind that if this thing in my chest turns out to be something serious that I will be facing the outcome alone with only the help from my husband and son. I do not plan on telling many people and some may only find out from reading this blog. It's my problem and my problem alone, so I will deal with it and the other circumstances that may follow.....alone! That does not mean that you should deal with your problems alone. Everyone is different, so everyone has to do what is right for himself or herself. What may be right for me, may not be right for you! Only you know what you should do! These are only my emotions and right now they are raging!