November 16, 2013

Cherish the people who love you even if they are few!

It's 4:30 am and I am wide awake. Why you might ask? I had my surgery yesterday. I was in dreamland for most of my hours after I got home from my surgery. So, the tumor is out, and we must wait an additional four days for the results. Gotta love all this waiting...that's a joke.

So, what is going through my mind at 4:30 am after the day of my surgery? Friends and family...that is what is going through my mind. Or perhaps I should say, "Lack of friends and family."

I look back 20 years ago, and how my husband and I were surrounded with friends and family. That continued long after the birth of our son. Every year I would invite everyone in our family and all our friends to our son's birthday parties, and most of them came (except for the ones who lived out of state, but we never expected them to attend). For many years I would host huge Christmas parties and once again invite everyone. Those parties turned out to be a huge success.

Then something happened, and I'm not quite sure what it was, but everyone started to hate me, and they no longer wanted to have anything to do with me and/or my family. I think that once my husband became ill that people finally started to show their true feelings toward me. They didn't like me and they never did! I know that is true with my aunt and uncle, because my uncle told me he doesn't like me. Why? I mean, all the parties, the family get-togethers, all the shared vacations. Now, I'm the bad guy and no one likes me.

As I face this impending diagnosis, I realize that I'm going to have to face this alone. The only two people who will help me through this journey are my husband and son. I look back and I have no idea what I did wrong in all my past relationships. When my husband was sick, all I wanted was for people to care and very few did. I really messed up things with my friends and family, and there is nothing I can do to fix any of it. My husband, son, and I will be spending the holidays alone like we have for the past 4 years, and I will have to face a huge battle with the only two people in this world who love me. At least I have them, and for that, I am very blessed!

Cherish the people who love you even if they are few!