January 31, 2011

"EXPECT NOTHING FROM ANYONE!"

This year would have gone more smoothly had someone told me this quote earlier throughout my husband's cancer treatment process. Whenever my husband was diagnosed with cancer, I truthfully felt that this was going to be God's way of bringing our families (meaning my husband's family and my family) closer together. I felt that those who stayed away and who did not associate with us would feel compelled to be closer with us throughout my husband's healing processes which included surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation treatments. However, I set my expectations WAY too high, and I was expecting something that was not going to happen.

What made me set my expectations too high? First, it was probably the family bonds I had witnessed growing up whenever a family member would become ill. Everyone would pitch in together and help each other. I remember my mother going to different family members homes whenever they were sick, and she would offer a helping hand. I remember when I was a little girl going with my mom to my aunt's house whenever my aunt was first diagnosed with cancer over 30 years ago. My mom spent the entire day cleaning my aunt's house, because my aunt was too sick to do it herself. My father would be there for family members or neighbors or friends whenever they may have been down on their luck. We were a poor family, but if there was one thing we could offer others, it was love and support and a helping hand.

Maybe my expectations were too high because of things our family members have done to help strangers. My husband's aunt and uncle traveled to North Carolina from Pennsylvania to attend a fundraiser for a lady who had cancer who they did not even know. This lady was a friend of a friend, but they traveled over 500 miles to help someone in need. Maybe my expectations were too high, because of how my husband and I have helped those in need over the years including the aunt and uncle above. Whenever my husband's aunt was diagnosed with cancer, my family was there for the aunt and uncle everyday. Whenever they needed help thoughout their trial, we were there to lend a helping hand.

However, my expectations of our family members were too high on a pedestal, and my feelings were crushed whenever no one was there to lend us a helping hand with the exception of two neighbors. Some of our family members have never visited my husband since he was diagnosed over a year ago. Most of our family members have turned their backs, and they became extremely angry with me whenever I voiced my opinion about them turning away and not being there for us in our time of need.

I apologize for this being such a long post, but it seems that once again life has thrown my family a curve ball in the health department. However, this time, I have no expectations for anyone. This time I will avoid hurt and disappointment by lowering my expectations. Expect nothing from anyone!