October 31, 2013

FEELINGS AFTER THE BIOPSY!

Funny how this blog started out as a means to stay positive after my husband's battle with cancer, and now, it's turned into a journal to help me through my battle with.....well, I'm not quite sure what to call it yet. We will find out on Monday if it's something to be worried about or not. However, a tumor is a tumor and it's extremely stressful to deal with. This week leading up to today has been an emotional roller coaster. One minute I'm happy and smiling, the next angry with a scowl on my face, and then it will lead to tears running down my face. However, I guess this is normal for anyone facing that they may have cancer.

Today was my biopsy, and I have to be honest that it wasn't as bad as what you may hear. It was not painful, and the only thing I felt throughout the procedure was forceful pressure. Now that I am back home, I am a bit sleepy, so I've decided to spend the afternoon on the couch. So, if you need to have a biopsy done, but you've been putting it off because you are afraid that it's going to hurt, go get it done! It's truly not that bad!

So, now we have another four days to wait until we get the test results. I don't like it that the town I live in takes so long to get test results back. I wish I could have the results before the weekend, but just as my husband waited for his results, I will have to wait for mine. In the meantime, I'm going to surround myself with things I like. One of those things is butterflies, so that is the reason there are butterflies on this post. 

October 29, 2013

RANDOM RAMBLINGS WHILE I WAIT FOR MY BIOPSY IN TWO DAYS...

For God only knows how long I have been walking around with a tumor in my chest, and I didn't even know it was there! This is similar to what my husband was going through before he was diagnosed with his cancer four years ago. He was going to the doctors for a tick bite! We never thought that he had a tumor inside his stomach and esophagus. Then I go for my very first mammogram to find out that I have a tumor inside my chest wall behind my right breast. 

My husband and I were having a conversation tonight while we were waiting for our dinner to finish baking. I told him how strange it was that when I didn't know about the tumor that I never thought twice about the pains I would feel. From time-to-time, I would get a sensation like a stabbing knife was going through my chest, but the sensation would leave as quickly as it would come. Several times while visiting the doctor I would tell her of this pain in my chest, but she never seemed too concerned, because every EEG or other medical test she sent me for always came back negative. Now that I know about the tumor, the pain in my chest seems to have intensified. My husband explained to me that now that I am aware of the tumor, my senses have become heightened.

It truly amazes me that for the past seven months I have been working two jobs and upwards of 60 plus hours each week, and during that time period, I would have never guessed that a tumor was growing inside of me. If I have one regret about working two jobs, it is that I lost so much valuable time with my husband and son. Time that I will never get back! Yes, I needed to work two jobs in order to pay the bills, but to be honest, our financial situation is no better off now than it was before I started working two jobs. Time with our loved ones is extremely precious, and we should never take it for granted.

I am a day closer to my biopsy, and today was much easier to get through than yesterday except for the pain I felt after I sat down after I put dinner in the oven. It truly felt like a ton of bricks was sitting on my chest, and it was a little difficult to breath, but I pushed through it.

One last ramble, and I am done for tonight. Some people will never understand your journey, because they have never had to walk your path in life. Some people will walk away from us during our trying times in life. We are sometimes the ones who walk away. Don't take things too personally! Everyone is fighting his or her own demons! God Bless!