Wednesday, August 31, 2011

August 31, 2011


Are you the type of person who goes through life like you are on your way to the emergency room? Are you so intense about getting tasks accomplished that you get frustrated or angry if you have to stop what you are doing in order to do something else? This is how my son was acting tonight right before dinner. He was so involved in putting his game cards into his binder that he got extremely angry when I told him to put them to the side long enough to eat dinner. When I asked him why he was so angry, he told me that he does not like to be interrupted while he is in the middle of doing things. This conversation with my son brought me to our topic of discussion for tonight. Life is not an emergency, so slow down and relax!

I used to be just like my son when it came to getting involved in chores or other things that needed to be done. I remember staying up till 4 am one morning to finish painting my living room walls then I had to be at work by 8 am. Looking back, I now realize how those living room walls could have waited, and I should have went to bed with my husband. I could have finished the walls when I got home from work the next day.

Sometimes, I think that we feel that we need to get everything done right here and right now. However, if you look at the big picture, there is always tomorrow to finish what we started. There is no need to get so bent out of shape if we can't get a task completed that we allow this to ruin our day or evening, because all we focus on is getting our job done. I am not trying to convince people not to finish their duties; however, we, as a society, do need to slow down and realize that if we run out of hours in one day, we have 24 more hours tomorrow to finish what we started today. We do not have to rush through life acting like we are in the middle of a huge emergency. Slow down, relax, and breathe!!!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

August 30, 2011


As each day progresses, my family keeps sinking into a sea of despair that will take us a lifetime to get out of. In all the 21 years that my husband and I have been together, we are at our worst financially, and each day keeps getting worse and worse. With this car accident, our situation just became more of a problem, because now I can no longer work at my full-time job because I no longer have transportation to get to and from work. This evening things even got worse still. We had to take one of our cats to the veterinarian, because he either got stung by a bee or cut himself under the chin, and the wound got infected. So needless to say, that trip to the vet's office set us back another $300 that we did not have. All I can say is thank God for credit cards right now, because I really have no clue what my family will do once all the credit is maxed out. Now don't go thinking that we are spending frivolously, because we are not! We have had to rely on my credit card throughout my husband's cancer treatments and surgery; otherwise, I would have never been able to afford gas in my car to get to and from the hospital or food in my son and my stomachs while we were away from home for two weeks while my husband was in the hospital in a town 75 miles away from our home.

My family has started to look at all our options, and we have come to terms with letting go of personal possessions in order to try to make some money to pay down on some of our bills. However, in all reality, we will have to soon make even bigger decisions than selling off personal possessions. It is looking like the only out my family may be able to take is either bankruptcy or selling the house. Before we jump into any decision, we will need to sit down and discuss our options then we will have to pick the best one.

I am sorry if this blog doesn't seem too inspirational tonight, but I am trying to look on the bright side that we will still be able to find a buyer for our painting, and that will help out a little bit toward our problems. I keep telling myself one day at a time, one step at a time. 

Monday, August 29, 2011

August 29, 2011


Today I was reminded that if we are able find our will, we will be able to pave our own way. This scene above portrays what I was doing earlier today; however, I wasn't surrounded by such beautiful surroundings on my walk home from work today. Our school season started today, and I was fortunate to land a substituting job for the first two weeks of school. However, the one catch to me being able to go to work for the next two weeks is the fact that I would not have any way home from work other than my two feet. So, I packed my sneakers and a comfortable pair of pants to walk in, and my husband dropped me off at work this morning, and I found my own transportation home, and that was my two feet. I dug deep again, found my will, and I found my way home. 

As I was nearly home, and as I was conquering a massive hill about two or three miles from my house, a jeep pulled up along side me, and the man inside asked me if I would like a ride home. This man happened to be my brother. As I was breathing heavily which sounded more like panting, I gladly crawled into his jeep. God provided me a blessing for the last few miles of my journey, but I needed to be willing to take those first steps in the right direction.

Sometimes it might seem easier to just give up and let life take you for a crazy ride; however, this might just be a test to see if you are willing to take one more step. If I wasn't willing to walk those first few miles on my own today, I might not have been blessed with spending some quality time with my brother. Dig down deep within your soul and find that will that you may have given up on. Once you find your will, God will provide your way!

Sunday, August 28, 2011

August 28, 2011


There are times when it is extremely difficult to keep thinking positive thoughts. Our minds have a way of wandering to different places, and those places sometimes bring us negative thinking patterns. For instance, as you all know in order to pay off some medical debt and other debts that have accumulated since my husband became ill nearly two years ago, my family decided to sell one of our prized possessions which holds some meaningful memories for us, our Thomas Kinkade Wizard of Oz painting. The one thing we asked our families to do for us was to just share the eBay link of the auction listing with their friends or even on their own Facebook profiles. However, the only family member who would help my family was one of my husband's cousins. Not any of my family members helped to share the link, and none of my husband's other family members helped us out. In circumstances like these, it is extremely hard to remain positive. It is very easy for our minds to start running off into the wilderness of negativity. The best thing you can do in times like these is to recognize immediately when your thoughts have turned negative and change them back into positive thoughts.

Instead of focusing on who didn't help us, I need to focus on the people who did help us share the link. I had a few friends on my Facebook page who shared, and numerous people on my blog page "Inspirational Sayings & Blessings" on Facebook who shared our link with others. Just because our immediate family members do not care about our well-being, doesn't mean that complete strangers do not care about us. I need to focus on the fact that there are some people in the world who still do care about others.

When you find your mind starting to go off on its own and when you realize it is taking you to a place you do not want to be, all you have to do is turn your thoughts around and travel in the opposite direction. Focus on the good and less on the bad. Change those negative thoughts into positive thoughts before they take you into a deep pit of despair! Keep changing those thoughts!

Saturday, August 27, 2011

August 27, 2011


Today my family made a very painful decision to sell one of our prized possessions that brought us a lot of joy and happy memories. We have been thinking for a while about selling off some of our personal belongings, but we have been putting it off and struggling to get by. However, since my car accident nearly two weeks ago, we have been forced to make a decision quickly, because I no longer have a way to get back and forth to work which has left us without an income. Today I shed some tears over the thought of parting with a memory that is near and dear to my family's hearts.

This painting means a lot to my family, because we were blessed with the opportunity to have Patrick Kinkade (Thomas Kinkade's brother) hand highlight our artwork. The time we spent with Pat while he was highlighting our painting was an amazing experience that my family will never forget. Pat shared stories with us of how it was like for him to grow up with Thomas. He shared humorous stories that had my family nearly doubled over with laughter. Our time meeting Patrick Kinkade was a moment of pure happiness during a dark, troubling time of our lives. Seeing the joy and the smile on my husband's face that evening, after fighting a year battle of cancer, was amazing.

Even though my family will have to part with something that is dear to our hearts in order to pay our ever-increasing medical bills, we will always have the happy memories that this painting brought my family. Sometimes in life we are forced to make painful decisions, and sometimes we are forced to give up some of our prized possessions. We might have to part with the object, but there is one thing I will never lose and that is the memory of the joy we shared together that night spending time with Patrick Kinkade. It's ok if my family shed a few tears over parting with an object that brought us happy memories.

Friday, August 26, 2011

August 26, 2011


Our feelings or emotions can get the better of us if we allow them to become out of control. It is easy to sink into a deep sea of despair and start feeling sorry for yourself if you do not monitor your feelings on a daily basis, especially if something traumatic has happened within your life recently. Since my car accident last Monday, I have been riding a roller coaster of emotions. One minute I will be happy and grateful that I survived, the next moment I am sad and crying because I could have been taken from my family, then my last emotion is that of anger, because I am so ticked off that I demolished my great car. 

However, once your emotions start to get out of control over one issue, everything else that you must face in life seems to become a giant in comparison to what it really is. Today was one of those days where I left something small and petty get the better of me, and it made me irate with frustration and anger. I learned that our family is having a barbecue next weekend, and my immediate family was not invited. Now, if it were any other period of time, this news would not have bothered me, because my family is seldom invited to any family functions; however, today after being on this roller coaster ride of emotions, this news made me so angry that it was all I could focus on. All I could think about was how could our family do this and not invite their own brother and uncle (my husband) especially after the past year and a half he has had with fighting cancer. 

As the day wore on, my emotions calmed down, and I was able to get my feelings under control again. There are certain things in life that are out of our control and getting invited to family functions is definitely out of our control. I need to remember all the other family functions in the last year we have not been invited to including weddings and other family parties. Just because my husband had cancer doesn't mean that other family members are going to want to include me in their family functions. They still hold onto preconceived ideas that they bred 21 years ago, and there is nothing I can do or say to change their minds. All I can do is get my feelings under control, be aware of my emotional state, and accept things for how they are! There is no use getting my dander up over something I have no control over. All I can do is pray they all have a beautiful celebration together. Peace and Blessings to them all!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

August 25, 2011


Our memories in our life can either bring us pain, or they can bring us happiness. The memories I want to discuss today are our happy memories, or the memories that bring us joy when we think back to those moments in time. These memories help to shape our emotions and who we have become today. Our memories are part of our History, and there is no way we can escape them. These happy, joyful memories should be cherished and never forgotten. They are part of your life!

As I look back on my own childhood, I realize that I want my son to have better memories than what I had as a child. When my son was younger, my husband and I made it a point to take my son on a vacation to a different part of the country each year. For a while, we had set a goal of visiting each of the 50 states in our lifetime; however, our vacations have stopped in the last several years due to not having the funds to travel due to medical expenses and other debts that have accumulated in the past two years. I think so far we have traveled to 20 of the 50 states. Even though it will be a long time before my family will be able to experience another vacation, we have made memories with each other.

Those memories that my husband and I provided my son will help to shape my son into the man that he will become. Those memories will help to shape the way he wants to celebrate different occasions in life with his family if he chooses to have one which I am sure he will. Our memories help to shape us into the person we have become today! Cherish your memories because they will always be part of who you truly are!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

August 24, 2011


Dear Friends,

This last week has been a very excruciatingly, trying time for myself and my family. Even though I am extremely grateful for walking away from a car accident that could have easily taken my life, I find myself at odds with my emotions. Tonight I am having trouble coming up with inspiring words to give to you all. I thought I was through all these wacky emotions, but I suppose I was wrong. Instead of saying the wrong thing and offending someone, I am going to take the evening to get my thoughts together, and I am going to remain quiet for this evening. I am having trouble making sense of the issues my family now faces, so I need to refrain from speaking for one night. I hope you all understand. 

May you all be provided with an abundance of peace, blessings, and love! God Bless each and every one of you!


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

August 23, 2011


My title for today's blog probably sounds really silly to most of you reading this; however, my family experienced our first ever earthquake today which occurred on the East Coast of the United States. It happened while I was sitting at my computer updating my Inspirational Sayings and Blessings page on Facebook. I heard this big, loud rumble which I first thought was a mac truck going down the road in front of my house, but then my computer started to sway back and forth in front of me. At first I thought my equilibrium was off because of the migraine headaches I have been having since last week. The thoughts running through my head was, "Wow! My headache is starting to make the room move back and forth." I slowly turned around in the chair, so that I was facing the center of my family room. As I was turning around, I watched my walls begin to sway up and down like an ocean wave. Now, I really was thinking that my migraine was causing me to hallucinate. Then all of a sudden, my son came running into the back room screaming, "What the heck just happened?" The realization hit me then! We were having an earthquake!!!

I am 38 years old, and I have lived on the East Coast my entire life, and I have NEVER experienced anything like this in my life! Once I realized what had happened, I wasn't quite sure what to do next. I kind of sat in front of my computer dumbfounded waiting to see if another wave would shake our house. Living on the East Coast I grew up knowing what to do in case of a tornado or a hurricane, but I was clueless what to do in the event of an earthquake. All I could think to tell my son was to get out of the house as quickly as possible if he felt another wave rumble through our area. 

As scary as the earthquake was, it made me realize not to panic if the walls started to shake and sway again. Since I was home alone with my son, I needed to be calm, so he would not get frightened. In the past week, I have learned that there are certain things in our lives that we have no control over, such as earthquakes. We just have to do our best to remain calm and do not panic in the heat of the moment. 

Monday, August 22, 2011

August 22, 2011


Sometimes, it is hard to face the bitter, sweet truth of reality. There are times that it is easier to remember how times used to be, or you may look at how you wish your life to be. However, in the end, one must face how his or her life is today. Face reality instead of hiding behind delusions.

If you have been reading my blog for the past week, you know that I was in a very bad car accident one week ago today, and as a result of that accident, my car was totaled. This past weekend my family drove from one car dealership to the next scouring the lots for a car that we could afford. We found a car that I thought my husband would like, and I planned on going to test drive it this evening when my husband got home from work. As the afternoon wore on, I came to the realization that my family cannot afford this car even though it is a pre-owned vehicle. When we purchased the car that I demolished, we did not have the medical debt and credit card debt that has accumulated since my husband's illness. Once I faced reality, I realized that no bank is going to give my family a loan for another vehicle with all the outstanding debt that we already owe other entities. 

It would be easy for me to hide in a delusion that we are going to be able to replace my car easily, but I would be lying to myself. My family is in for a long, tough road once again, but this time it will be learning how to juggle one car in order to meet our family's needs, such as getting my son to school, and my husband and I getting back and forth to our jobs.

Don't hide from reality! Face it and deal with it to the best of your ability!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

August 21, 2011


Our thoughts are extremely powerful! If you only knew how powerful your thoughts truly are, you would never think another negative thought in your lifetime. Sometimes, we have the power of thinking our worst nightmares into existence. I have read in many books that our lives become what we focus on or think about the most. Be careful what you think about, because you might not like the outcome that you receive.

Ever since I was 16 years old my mother has worried about me driving a car. Just last Sunday when my family got home from our little weekend getaway, there was a message on our answering machine from my mother stating to call her as soon as we got home not matter what time it was, because Virginia was having nasty storms and she wanted to make sure we got home safely. Now you would think that a 38 year old woman and her own family would not have to check-in with mommy any longer. I think we would be capable of getting home safely on our own, and if we didn't she would find out about it eventually. Over the years, these messages on my answering machine have infuriated me! I always asked my husband why she had to think negatively. Why did she always think that the worst was going to happen? 

Well, my mother's 22 years of worrying finally paid off on Monday afternoon as my car veered off the road and proceeded to roll over. We got home safely Sunday evening in the pouring rain, thunder, and lightening, but I didn't do so well with a fine mist of rain on a back road on my way home from work Monday afternoon. Now, I am not blaming my mother for my accident, but I do believe that we can think negative events into existence. 

Throughout this last week, or I should say throughout these last 21 years, my husband has been the most positive person in my life. No matter what kind of negative act happens, he will find the positive and point it out to me. Even through what should have been his darkest period in life, his cancer diagnosis and treatments, he still remained positive that everything was going to work out fine, and he keeps telling me that we are meant to be doing more with our lives. We just are not quite sure what that "more" is yet. I do know I have a book sitting here on my computer about our experience through my husband's cancer diagnosis and treatments, and maybe I am supposed to get that thing published. I am not quite sure how to go about doing that, so if anyone out there who may be reading this blog might know how I could publish and market my book, please let me know. 

In the meantime, be careful what you think about! Do not think your nightmares into existence!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

August 20, 2011


Today I have been trying to figure out the lesson that life is trying to teach me from this car accident. I have been going back and forth with my feelings from complete sadness to anger and then on to bitterness. I personally know that God does not want me to be bitter about the situation, but I am having trouble understanding what He wants me to learn. I thought maybe my lesson was to learn that friends and family members truly do care, because I became bitter toward them when my husband was going through his cancer treatment, because they all stayed away and never called or visited. However, they are treating me the same  way with this car accident as they treated my husband through his cancer diagnosis and treatments and surgery. It's like nothing ever happened. I try to think that maybe none of them truly realize how serious the car accident was, and maybe they do not understand how I nearly died. However, this triggers anger within me, because it makes me wonder if any of them would have cared if I had died in that car accident. This pain I am facing is causing so many different emotions within me, and I am trying not to allow bitterness to well up within my soul. 

While my husband was going through his cancer illness, I had several people tell me not to expect anything from anyone. However, I did expect our friends and our family members to be there for us, but they were not.  My husband had no visitors the entire time he was going through his chemotherapy and radiation treatments. We faced it all on our own. Now, I guess I am expecting these same people to be there for me, but again they are letting me down. Maybe, one lesson that God is trying to teach me is to only rely on Him. Maybe, I am only to put my expectations on God instead of people, because the people in my life continually let me down.

I do not mean to continue to write about my car accident on my blog, but it is causing me a lot of emotional pain. The scariest feeling I have ever had was not knowing if I was going to be able to get out of my car alive. Another emotion I am having issues with is confusion of not completely understanding why the accident happened in the first place. The only explanation is negligence on my part, because the insurance company found no mechanical defects when they inspected my car. Knowing that I am at fault, and I am the reason why my car went out of control is hard to grasp. It makes me to never want to get behind the wheel of a vehicle ever again. I just thank God that my family was not in the vehicle with me.

I am trying not to allow this situation to make me bitter. I want to learn from this situation, and I want to grow in order to help others. However, I am having difficulty with guilt and anger, but the last thing I want is for it to turn into bitterness. Maybe with time, I will be able to find the silver lining and the lesson in this situation.

Friday, August 19, 2011

August 19, 2011


This past week left me alone and afraid. I felt myself in need of a true friend. Someone who would take the time out of their day to send me a text message, call me on the phone, or stop by my house to visit me while I was sitting here in agony with a throbbing headache that I have had since my accident on Monday. However, no one called, no one texted, no one visited. I did receive a few messages via Facebook; however, I don't find computer messages very personable. This week made me wonder if I am a true friend. Am I the type of friend that I would like to have?

To answer this question, I do believe that I am a good friend. I am one of those friends who will send you a card in the mail just because. I am the type of friend who will send you an email or message stating that I was thinking about you and I was wondering how you are doing. I am one of those friends who try not to forget about your birthday. I have even spent money that my family did not have in order to travel 900 miles to attend a funeral of one of my old friend's family members. However, I do not think that there would be anyone out there who would be willing to do the same for me.

If you find that you are lacking in the friend department, maybe you could show the people who mean a lot to you how you want to be treated. Send a card in the mail just to say "hi" or "I miss you." Call someone on the phone to check in on how they are doing (I lack in this department because I do not like talking on the phone). Send someone a gift on their birthday to show them how much you love them. If others are not treating you the way you want to be treated then show them how you want to be treated. Be the friend that you wished you had!