Tuesday, November 26, 2013


Some families hold grudges forever! What you might not realize is that prejudice started a long time ago, and it has been passed down from one generation to the next. It's a never-ending cycle of hate and non-acceptance. If someone doesn't stop this vicious cycle, it will go on for all of eternity. Each family needs at least one member who is willing to step up to the plate and be the once who breaks this cycle of prejudice within your family's walls.

We see this prejudice in so many different ways. Most of the time we see it in the form of a blood relative's spouse. The spouse is rejected and not liked for many different reasons. Some of the reasons I have seen in the past are different religious beliefs, different upbringings, different nationality, different social class, and the list goes on and on. The spouse is then rejected from the family unit which usually indicates the blood relative will also be shunned from family affairs. How sad!

Maybe in the near future, some families will learn to recognize this learned behavior of prejudice that has been passed down from generation to generation. Maybe one day, people will learn to accept each other regardless of their differences. We are all one in God's eyes! We are the same! Be the one in your family who breaks down those walls and be the one who destroys that cycle of prejudice before it's passed down to yet another generation!  

Sunday, November 24, 2013

November 24, 2013

Send Me a Quick Comment if You Read My Blog....Please!

Hi Friends! I try to check my stats every day to see how many people are reading my blog. Sometimes I wonder if having a blog is worth it, and then I wonder, "Well, maybe I am helping a few people out there in this big vast world." If you like my blog and if you read my blog, please send me a quick comment by using the comment section below. I would love to hear from you! ♥

Saturday, November 23, 2013

November 23, 2013


As you know, I recently faced a health scare. During those six weeks of worrying and stressing, many lessons have been learned. If I would have walked away from such a difficult period, without a few valuable life lessons then the entire process would have been useless. Each trial strengthens us to face tomorrow. 

During my stressful health scare, I reached out to an old friend who recently stopped speaking to me due to myself having a different political perspective than she. My old friend did not want to hear my point of view, so unfortunately, she no longer wanted to be my friend. Well, since I thought I might be facing a life-threatening illness, I reached out to this friend; however, my efforts were pointless. She lashed out at me and told me that I was a manipulator who only wanted people's sympathy. Over the past few weeks since I have received her message, those words keep going through my mind. Am I a manipulator? Do I only want people to feel sorry for me?

Well, I'm not exactly sure about how to answer those questions, but what I have learned is that I truly do need to keep all my personal issues to myself from now on. What was the point of me telling my friends about my tumor? I can answer that. I wanted empathy. I wanted people to care. Looking to the past, it's a constant revolving door that I continually go around. I freak out about something stressful in my life. I try to come up with all types of crazy ways to handle the situation. Then I bombard my friends with MY problems. Problems that are none of their business and which they do not need to know. I truly cannot blame any of them for walking out of my life. If I had to deal with someone like me, I would walk out of my life too. 

So, I have to say that this little health scare was something I definitely needed to go through. I needed to learn that I am capable of dealing with my own issues. Everyone doesn't need to know what I may be facing. Sharing everything that is happening in my life with those on Facebook is a selfish thing to do. It is a thing that I need to stop.  It took a while, but the lesson finally sank into my mind!  

Thursday, November 21, 2013

November 21, 2013


In the past six weeks, I have faced more emotions all at once than I did during the entire year that my husband was fighting his battle with cancer. The emotions we feel when a loved one is facing a life-threatening illness is totally different than the emotions we feel when we might be facing a similar situation. When the doctor looked me in the eyes and told me that he felt I had cancer was like I was staring my own mortality in the face, and I had no idea what the outcome was going to be. 

So much has happened in these past six weeks. I quit my second job. Then I beat myself up week after week for quitting that job. I mean, who quits a job without even knowing what they may be facing? Hmmm.....that would be me. Then I started to look at my life and the few people who remain in my life. Then I started to blame myself for all the failed relationships I have faced in my life. I started to question my marriage, and I wondered if I truly was the person who ruined my husband's relationships with his family members. All these emotions were forcing me into a deep pit of darkness and depression. I was starting to feel self-pity, and this was not a place where I wanted to visit again! I already spent enough time in that sea of despair in years gone by.

So, I cried, I became angry, I yelled at the people I love, I became numb, and then those feelings would start all over again. You remember those inspirational sayings that I like to share with others? I didn't want any part of them! The longer I had to wait for my test results, the more those sayings seemed like a bunch of hooey! However, while I was facing all those crazy emotions, my husband never faltered from believing that my tumor was going to come back negative for cancer. And you know what? He was right!

Even though the last six weeks have probably been the most stressful in my entire lifetime, I have learned some valuable life lessons. I learned that God will throw obstacles in our way, such as the possibility of a life-threatening illness, in order to get our attention and to remind us of what is truly important in our lives. While I was working two jobs for the last seven months, I was missing out on precious time with my husband and son. That is precious time that I will never get back. Also, God showed me that those people who we put on pedestals in our lives will be the first ones to let us down. If someone is truly your friend, they will be there with you in your darkest hours. Even if it just means sending you an email or a text message, they will find a way! I have learned that all those past emotions about broken relationships need to be let go and forgotten. I need to cherish the time that I have with the people who love me! 

Learn to persevere through every day of your life regardless of what kind of obstacles are thrown in your path. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and do not look back. And as hard as it may sometimes be, keep a positive attitude that everything will work out for the best. If I had believed my own words six weeks ago, I could have saved myself from six weeks of unneeded stress, worry, pain, and agony.  

Sunday, November 17, 2013

November 17, 2013


It's two days after my surgery, and I have to be totally honest with everyone, depression is overtaking me. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, because let's face it, there are millions of people who face what I am facing every single day. In the past two days, only a few people, who I speak to on Facebook, (because that is the only place in my life where I speak to people in the outside world) even bothered to message me to see how I was doing after my surgery. My own mother never even called to find out how my surgery went. Do you know how that makes a person feel? It makes a person feel very alone. Earlier tonight, I looked at my husband, and I told him the following, "No one, besides you and our son, care about me. My own mother doesn't care about me. I could die tomorrow, and not too many people would even care."

I know that this depression is wrong, and I need to get out of it as soon as possible. But a few people, who call themselves my 'friend,' never even remembered my surgery, or if they did, they didn't even bother to say, 'Hey how are you doing?' I look at what I am facing, and I am accepting the fact that if this turns out to be cancer, I am going to have to deal with it all alone. I look at all the stress that I will create for my husband and son, and they do not deserve that! Especially my husband! After dealing with his own cancer, it's so unfair to him if I am diagnosed with cancer. 

Anyway, that is where I am two days after my surgery. I know what some people will think when reading this. They will think, "Don't worry about what you have no control over," or "Why are you worrying if you don't even know if you have cancer or not." Well, my answer to that is, "If you have never been in a situation where you might be facing a life threatening illness then you have no right to judge others who are!" The one thing I do know and the one thing that I can control is the fact that I know that I am in a depression, and I need to get out of it before it swallows me up! 

Saturday, November 16, 2013

November 16, 2013

Cherish the people who love you even if they are few!

It's 4:30 am and I am wide awake. Why you might ask? I had my surgery yesterday. I was in dreamland for most of my hours after I got home from my surgery. So, the tumor is out, and we must wait an additional four days for the results. Gotta love all this waiting...that's a joke.

So, what is going through my mind at 4:30 am after the day of my surgery? Friends and family...that is what is going through my mind. Or perhaps I should say, "Lack of friends and family."

I look back 20 years ago, and how my husband and I were surrounded with friends and family. That continued long after the birth of our son. Every year I would invite everyone in our family and all our friends to our son's birthday parties, and most of them came (except for the ones who lived out of state, but we never expected them to attend). For many years I would host huge Christmas parties and once again invite everyone. Those parties turned out to be a huge success.

Then something happened, and I'm not quite sure what it was, but everyone started to hate me, and they no longer wanted to have anything to do with me and/or my family. I think that once my husband became ill that people finally started to show their true feelings toward me. They didn't like me and they never did! I know that is true with my aunt and uncle, because my uncle told me he doesn't like me. Why? I mean, all the parties, the family get-togethers, all the shared vacations. Now, I'm the bad guy and no one likes me.

As I face this impending diagnosis, I realize that I'm going to have to face this alone. The only two people who will help me through this journey are my husband and son. I look back and I have no idea what I did wrong in all my past relationships. When my husband was sick, all I wanted was for people to care and very few did. I really messed up things with my friends and family, and there is nothing I can do to fix any of it. My husband, son, and I will be spending the holidays alone like we have for the past 4 years, and I will have to face a huge battle with the only two people in this world who love me. At least I have them, and for that, I am very blessed!

Cherish the people who love you even if they are few!

Monday, November 11, 2013

November 11, 2013


When we are facing difficult situations and our emotions are raging on a daily basis, not everyone is going to understand how we are feeling. To be honest, there are very few people who even want to know how we are feeling. It is easier for people to turn a blind eye to what we may be facing than it is for them to be there with a helping hand. People do not want their perfect little lives interrupted by our misfortune. I have learned over the years that this is okay! We can travel our journey either by ourselves or with the few that God puts in our paths. Not everyone will understand our journey, and not everyone is strong enough to travel along the path that we are forced to take. Don't hold it against them. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and cherish those who come along for the ride!

Sunday, November 10, 2013

November 10, 2013


Have any of you been following my blog, since the doctors found my tumor? Have you been following along with the crazy emotions that I have been feeling? If so, well, I guess I will keep on going with sharing the struggles that my family is facing. In the last week, we've had a few setbacks, and I have to be honest, I felt like giving up. I felt like throwing in the towel even before we know if what we are facing is yet again cancer. Let me rewind a bit.

My biopsy was performed on Thursday, October 31. My results were supposed to be in on Monday, November 4. Well, I went to work on Monday and stared at the clock for what seemed like every minute. Waiting for that work day to end was brutal! Trust me when I say that by the time my scheduled appointment with my doctor finally arrived, I was ready to hear the results regardless of what they were!

The doctor walked into the room shakes my husband's hand, sits down, and proceeds to tell me, "Well, from the results we received from this biopsy report shows that you do not have any cancer; however,"...However? When you state "however" in the middle of your sentence, you just cancelled out everything you just said before that "however!" It's the same with the word "but." Back to the the doctor's statement, "However, I would like for you to get a second biopsy. I don't want you to have cancer. Please know that; however, (there's that damn word again) I've had three other radiologists look at my findings from your ultrasound, and we all agree that the findings from the ultrasound and the pathology report do not match. We strongly feel that you really need to have a second biopsy done, or better yet, you can have the entire tumor taken out and tested for an even more accurate report." So, there you have it! There are my test results! You are asking, "What test results?" Exactly! I don't have any yet! The final report read inconclusive needs more tissue for a more accurate reading.

Fast forward to today: In the last several days, I have been overtaken with a sea of emotions. One day I want to fight like hell and keep moving forward! Then the next day something will happen, and I will want to throw in the towel. For instance, on Friday, I received a letter from my surgeon's office, and they are requesting a sum of $314.00 up front on the day of my surgery. Really! What the hell! Since my husband's bout with cancer, my family has no savings! I don't have an extra $314.00 laying around the house for an emergency fund! This news sent me into a whirlwind of panic! What was I going to do!

My first thought was, "Screw it! I will just skip the surgery, and just have a second biopsy done." I didn't need any money up front whenever I had my first biopsy done. Then the second thought that came to my mind was, "Yeah, but what if they can't get any tissue samples again? What if I go through a second biopsy and all that pain and the results still come back inconclusive?" So, I had to put on my thinking hat, and I thought, "Yes! I will try to sell some of my personal belongings. So, I put up a little message on Facebook about the struggle I was facing, and I posted some pictures of the items I was willing to sell. The more I thought about trying to sell my stuff to my friends on Facebook the more furious I became! It isn't my Facebook friends responsibility to bail us out of our problems! It's not their fault if we don't have the money for a surgery! That is mine and my husband's responsibility! However, we have no money. All of our savings went toward my husband's medical bills. What was I going to do, so I went to bed on Friday night pissed off at the world and everyone in it!

I awoke Saturday morning in the same mood. Angry! What was going through my mind? I was thinking, "Why are some families worthy of help while others struggle their asses off and sometimes lose everything in the end? Why do our friends and family members walk out of our lives when we need them the most? Why don't people want to help people any longer?" I was getting more pissed off the more I thought about it. I was getting pissed off at the people I knew on Facebook who were asking for donations to fund vacations for themselves. Hell, if people were doing that, why am I feeling so guilty about asking people to buy my stuff? My husband and I had a little chat, and we both came up with a solution or a hopeful solution. We will try to have a yard sale on Monday since it's a holiday, in order to try to raise some money for my surgery. Every little bit will help!

So, that is where we are today. No results yet and no money for my surgery! One day at a time, and I will keep moving forward!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013


If there is a day that goes by when we don't learn a lesson, then we are not paying attention to what the Universe is trying to teach us. I know, I know! I sound like a broken record. I've said this exact same thing in previous posts. However, it is the truth! Each day brings valuable lessons, but we need to be receptive to these lessons. 

So, what kind of lessons did I learn today? I have learned that there is no need to reach out to people whom God has closed the door on and has blocked completely out of our lives. If they were not right for us in the past, why would we think that they would be compatible with us in the NOW? Some people are not meant to stay our friends forever! People change and that is okay! Not everyone is going to like us forever. I have accepted this lesson, and I am leaving certain people in the past where God wanted them. There is no need to tell those people about the problems that we are facing today. If those people were nasty with you in the past, chances are that they will be nasty with you in the NOW regardless of the dark situation you may be facing.

Another lesson I have learned today is there are people in the world who think the world of you! Sometimes we forget this fact. God has a way of reminding us of this fact when we feel that we are all alone in this world. We are not! There is at least one person in this world who loves you dearly! You should remind yourself of this fact every single day!

One last lesson for this day! When we are facing a struggle, a dark cloud, a troubling situation....whatever you want to call it.....don't think negatively about your circumstances. As humans, we sometimes tend to think that the worst is going to happen. We immediately want to tell everyone what we are facing. We want sympathy from our friends and family members. We want people to care what we may have to face in the near future. However, what if we never have to face the circumstances that we invent in our own minds. So, the last lesson I learned today is we don't have to share every detail of what we are facing with everyone around us. Once we receive the final outcome then we can share the information with our loved ones, but why worry them if the sun shines through our dark tunnel more quickly than we anticipated! 

Saturday, November 2, 2013

November 2, 2013


It is a sad truth that we all must face, not everyone cares anything about us or what we may have to face! Hell! Not everyone is even going to like us! It doesn't matter how nice we are to people, and it doesn't matter how many time we try to make our wrongs right, there are people out there who could give a rat's ass about us! And these wonderful people in our lives will lash out at us and call us all kinds of names and derogatory comments when we are at our lowest points.

I'm not sure about you, but I am over these types of people! I'm am tired of laying my heart on the line and trying to make my wrongs right just to be emotionally bashed by some cruel, hateful, insensitive person. This time I'm calling it as I see it. That person who bashes others when they are at their lowest points in life have serious problems of their own. I will no longer internalize it and beat myself up over it. It is simply their opinion of me, and there is nothing written in stone that their opinion is right! 

It has taken me 40 years to realize that I am a wonderful person! If others cannot see that, then that is their loss. Am I being conceited? No! I am finally starting to recognize my self-worth! I suggest that you do the same thing! Don't listen to those evil people! God created you to be you! So, NEVER let anyone stop you! God bless you all!

Friday, November 1, 2013

November 1, 2013


Well, I have to be honest; I feel a lot worse today than I did yesterday. I'm glad I listened to the doctor and my husband and took another day off work. You might be wondering...what are your symptoms right now? Nausea, light headedness, head ache, soreness. Seriously, it's not anything to be worried about, and I'm still glad I went through with the biopsy. Dealing with these symptoms is a lot better than not knowing whether the tumor inside my chest is cancerous or not. Even though I don't know the results yet, I know that they are on their way, and in three days, I will know if I can go on living my life as normal or if my family's life will be temporarily side-tracked until I get well again.

So, what am I thinking of at this very moment? Well, I am thinking about how some of my "friends" forgot all about my biopsy. I only told a handful of people about my biopsy and when it was going to take place. Only half remembered and messaged me to ask me how it went. Am I angry that the other half forgot? No! I know that some of them are going through their own struggles, and they have a lot on their own minds. Am I going to remind them about my biopsy? No, they do not need to be bombarded with my issues.

In the meantime, while I am waiting for Monday to get here, so I can finally get the results of this thing, I am thinking of different things I can do if this thing turns out to be cancer. The one thing I am thinking about is if I get a positive outcome, I will donate my hair to "Locks of Love!" If I am going to lose my hair anyway, why not donate it to help children who may be facing similar struggles. I just have to figure out if I have enough hair to donate. Ten inches is the minimum requirement to donate. I will have to measure it! Onward and upward!