Sunday, November 17, 2013

November 17, 2013


It's two days after my surgery, and I have to be totally honest with everyone, depression is overtaking me. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, because let's face it, there are millions of people who face what I am facing every single day. In the past two days, only a few people, who I speak to on Facebook, (because that is the only place in my life where I speak to people in the outside world) even bothered to message me to see how I was doing after my surgery. My own mother never even called to find out how my surgery went. Do you know how that makes a person feel? It makes a person feel very alone. Earlier tonight, I looked at my husband, and I told him the following, "No one, besides you and our son, care about me. My own mother doesn't care about me. I could die tomorrow, and not too many people would even care."

I know that this depression is wrong, and I need to get out of it as soon as possible. But a few people, who call themselves my 'friend,' never even remembered my surgery, or if they did, they didn't even bother to say, 'Hey how are you doing?' I look at what I am facing, and I am accepting the fact that if this turns out to be cancer, I am going to have to deal with it all alone. I look at all the stress that I will create for my husband and son, and they do not deserve that! Especially my husband! After dealing with his own cancer, it's so unfair to him if I am diagnosed with cancer. 

Anyway, that is where I am two days after my surgery. I know what some people will think when reading this. They will think, "Don't worry about what you have no control over," or "Why are you worrying if you don't even know if you have cancer or not." Well, my answer to that is, "If you have never been in a situation where you might be facing a life threatening illness then you have no right to judge others who are!" The one thing I do know and the one thing that I can control is the fact that I know that I am in a depression, and I need to get out of it before it swallows me up! 

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