Thursday, November 21, 2013

November 21, 2013


In the past six weeks, I have faced more emotions all at once than I did during the entire year that my husband was fighting his battle with cancer. The emotions we feel when a loved one is facing a life-threatening illness is totally different than the emotions we feel when we might be facing a similar situation. When the doctor looked me in the eyes and told me that he felt I had cancer was like I was staring my own mortality in the face, and I had no idea what the outcome was going to be. 

So much has happened in these past six weeks. I quit my second job. Then I beat myself up week after week for quitting that job. I mean, who quits a job without even knowing what they may be facing? Hmmm.....that would be me. Then I started to look at my life and the few people who remain in my life. Then I started to blame myself for all the failed relationships I have faced in my life. I started to question my marriage, and I wondered if I truly was the person who ruined my husband's relationships with his family members. All these emotions were forcing me into a deep pit of darkness and depression. I was starting to feel self-pity, and this was not a place where I wanted to visit again! I already spent enough time in that sea of despair in years gone by.

So, I cried, I became angry, I yelled at the people I love, I became numb, and then those feelings would start all over again. You remember those inspirational sayings that I like to share with others? I didn't want any part of them! The longer I had to wait for my test results, the more those sayings seemed like a bunch of hooey! However, while I was facing all those crazy emotions, my husband never faltered from believing that my tumor was going to come back negative for cancer. And you know what? He was right!

Even though the last six weeks have probably been the most stressful in my entire lifetime, I have learned some valuable life lessons. I learned that God will throw obstacles in our way, such as the possibility of a life-threatening illness, in order to get our attention and to remind us of what is truly important in our lives. While I was working two jobs for the last seven months, I was missing out on precious time with my husband and son. That is precious time that I will never get back. Also, God showed me that those people who we put on pedestals in our lives will be the first ones to let us down. If someone is truly your friend, they will be there with you in your darkest hours. Even if it just means sending you an email or a text message, they will find a way! I have learned that all those past emotions about broken relationships need to be let go and forgotten. I need to cherish the time that I have with the people who love me! 

Learn to persevere through every day of your life regardless of what kind of obstacles are thrown in your path. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and do not look back. And as hard as it may sometimes be, keep a positive attitude that everything will work out for the best. If I had believed my own words six weeks ago, I could have saved myself from six weeks of unneeded stress, worry, pain, and agony.  

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