Thursday, August 16, 2012

August 16, 2012


Self-doubt has been my Achilles heel for most of my life. Even when I am good at something, I will tell myself that I am not "good enough." Where do you think this self-doubt stems from? It could stem from growing up in a family in which I was never "good enough" and in which I could never do anything right. However, I moved away from my parent's home when I was 19 years old, and only moved back briefly for a short few months while planning my wedding. Why after 20 years do I still struggle with this inner demon?

Perhaps my expectations of myself are too high! Perhaps I compare myself too often with what others accomplish. If I were to step back and take a wide, angle view of everything I have accomplished in life, then I should be darn proud! Sure things are not as I thought they would be! Never in a million years did I ever think that my husband would be diagnosed with cancer at the age of 37. Never did I think that our savings would be completely depleted, and we would be living from paycheck to paycheck. However, what I should be looking at is how we managed to keep the mortgage paid while my husband was sick, and how we managed to keep food on the table so we wouldn't starve. Sure we are in a tremendous amount of debt, but so are a lot of other people. Negative circumstances in which you have no control over can make you have self-doubt! You will start blaming yourself for things that you had no control over! When that happens, kick those feelings of self-doubt to the curb!

It might take my family a long time to dig out from all that debt that we are in; however, I would rather do that with my husband by my side and cancer-free than to have to do it all alone. There will be times in your life when self-doubt will creep in, and it will try to get the better of you. When that happens, kick it to the curb! Take one day at a time, one hour at a time, or one minute at a time! But whatever you do, don't stop trying!

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