October 25, 2013

IF YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL YOUR EMOTIONS, 
SO AM I!!!

If you have been following my blog from the very beginning, then you know that I started this blog to remain positive the year after my husband's bout with cancer. I was determined to have the most positive year of my life. Each day I would post an inspirational saying or message in order to keep my spirits high. Some days were easier than others to find the positive, but for one complete year, I did it! 

Then as the time has been passing by and my family has been trying to get back on our feet financially, we have been struck with yet another trial to overcome. You are probably thinking that it is my husband; however, this time, it is me. 

On October 14, I went for my very first mammogram. Since health care policies are changing at the beginning of 2014, my doctor thought it was very important for me to get a mammogram done before the end of this year. So, I scheduled it and had it taken care of on October 14. Two days later, I got a telephone call that I needed to return to the radiology clinic to have more images taken, because something was seen in my right breast. So, on October 23, I returned for a second mammogram as well as an ultrasound, where once again there was something seen in my right breast. 

I have been through so many doctors appointments with my husband that I knew it wasn't a good sign when the radiologist walks into the room, sits down on the chair in front of you, takes your hands, looks deep into your eyes, and says, "I'm sorry, but we found something that is definitely not a syst. Your next step is to have a biopsy."

Really?!?! What the hell?!?! This can't be! It just seems like yesterday that my family just finished up my husband's treatments. So, what is the next step for me? A biopsy on Halloween and then I will receive the results on November 4. 

In the meantime, I have people saying to me, "It's okay. Everything will be okay. Don't worry." Really! Do you not worry when you are stressed out about something in your life. Why am I not allowed to experience my emotions? Why am I supposed to keep my emotions suppressed? It's because most of them have no idea what I may be facing! They have never been through anything even close to this, but I have! I know that if this biopsy comes back positive that my family is about to, once again, book a trip on that run-away freight train, and I don't like it one bit!

I will keep you posted.