Friday, March 8, 2013

March 8, 2013


If you have been following my blog for a while, then you know it started out soon after my husband finished his last round of chemotherapy and radiation treatments and after he was completely healed from his major surgery. This blog was to help me have the most positive year of my life in 2011. See up till that point in my life, I wasn't a very positive person. From years of living with a negative mother who thinks that Hell is on Earth, some (or maybe I should say a lot) of her negativity rubbed off onto me. However, in December of 2010, I made up my mind that I was going to change my way of thinking during the year of 2011, and I would be grateful and positive about having my husband by my side for another year! I will admit that the last 3 1/2 years since my husband was diagnosed with cancer have been full of stress and anxiety; however, I have learned that we have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and we have to keep moving forward!

Last night my husband and I had a heart-to-heart conversation about how these last 3 1/2 years have affected us financially as well as emotionally. Not only has my wonderful husband been through a tremendous change physically, and he went through tremendous amounts of pain throughout his healing process, and he went though many years of rehabilitation to get close to his normal amount of strength back, but now, I see my husband facing another level of pain.....the pain that stress creates from not being able to pay your monthly bills from all the accumulated debt from our medical expenses. The ironic thing about this is that it's like my husband and I have traded places. Years ago, I would have been the one stressing about money and stressing if the bills were getting paid on time; however, now in present day, my husband has taken that role, and I try not to think about it. I told him that I cannot think about our financial crisis that we are now facing, because it would cause me to go insane. I have to put it out of my mind, take each day one-by-one, and pray that I am able to pay our monthly bills when they come due.  

Last night it pained me to hear my husband tell me how he feels that our little family of three is secluded on a deserted island, and we are all alone. Let me elaborate a little bit. Since my husband's illness all of our friends and family members have turned their backs and have walked out of our life. Now, you may think I am exaggerating. Well, unfortunately that is not an exaggeration. No one visits us at our home, and we visit no one, because we are never invited to anything....and when I say anything......I mean anything! It's just the three of us all the time! Now, some of our friends may read this, and they may get offended, because they are sitting there thinking, "Hey! I'm your friend. We talk on Facebook all the time." Well, my friend, you may talk to me on Facebook on a regular basis, but when was the last time you sat down with my husband and I and had a face-to-face conversation? The answer to that is probably never or a very long time ago. 

As my family moves through this crisis and as I try to figure out a way to lesson the financial burden on my husband's shoulders, all I can encourage my husband to do is keep moving forward! Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and only take each day as we are blessed with it. 

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