April 2, 2011

"I CAN DO ANYTHING WITH GOD'S HELP!"

Today I received some disturbing news that could have upset me a great deal if I would have allowed it to; however, I have learned how to accept negative news without the need to respond with harsh words or drama. You would think that a life-threatening illness would bring families closer together, but what my family has found out this past year and a half is illness does not change anything. Sometimes, illness pushes people away and makes already bad situations even worse. Today I received a message from one of my in-laws stating that I need to stop trying to be part of my husband's family.

In the past seven months, several family members have pushed us to the wayside, and they have been holding grudges against me for things I do not even know what I did wrong. It all started when my husband's uncle passed away near the end of August, and I posted a prayer on my facebook wall for my friends to keep my husband and his family in their prayers because of the uncle's passing. This act must have ticked off a few family members especially my husband's sister, because I received a text message from her stating, "Thank you for telling me my uncle died like that." I was totally confused because other family members had R.I.P. to the uncle written on their facebook walls, and my husband found out the uncle died via a message through facebook from one of his cousins. I was confused why this sister was so angry with me. When I would try to call her, she would let her phone go to voicemail, she would not return my text messages or emails, and she has not visited my husband since this incident happened.

Then in December two weeks before Christmas, I was verbally attacked by my husband's uncle stating that I was the problem in my husband's family, and that I was keeping my husband away from his family members. This totally crushed me, because we were very close with this particular uncle and his wife. Now, they were accusing me of false truths and blaming me for things that were not in my control. My husband and I did not have time to visit family members over the summer, because of his radiation and chemotherapy treatments and we were traveling over 150 miles everyday Monday through Friday going back and forth from our home to the hospital. Not to mention, my husband was not feeling well enough to visit people, and even after he was finished with his treatments, he would come home from work exhausted, and the last thing he wanted to think about doing was entertaining people. However, two weeks before Christmas I was getting blamed once again for things I did not even know what I did wrong, and no one was willing to explain to me what I did wrong.

In the months that have followed, I have been trying to make things right. I have sent out numerous apology emails; however, they fall on def ears until yesterday when I received a message back from my sister-in-law that I need to stop trying to be part of my husband's family. I could have become angry, and I could have called her and screamed at her over the phone. However, what I did was thank her. I called her and thanked her for her honesty and told her that if anyone is interested in the future of how her brother is doing that they should call him directly. I wished her and her family a happy Easter.

Now, I need to walk away and forget about those people who truly must not give a damn about my husband who just went through the hardest battle of his life. How can people turn their backs on their brother after the hell he faced this past year? These thoughts kept going through my head all day, but this one phrase popped in  my head a little while ago. I can do anything with God's help! If they do not want me to be part of their family, then I can walk away and not bother them ever again with God's help. God will guide me through this battle! I should have relied more on God months ago instead of trying to fix everything on my own. Trust God, lean on God, and let God be in charge of your life. "Greater is He Who is in me than he who is in the world!"